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Types of Sex

Social Security Sex: Two men were talking.  "So, how's your sex life?"  "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."  "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!       

Loud Sex: A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor.  Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear  splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the  problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"     

Quiet Sex: Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you  have an orgasm?"  She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never  home!"
Confounded Sex: A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn  from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood,  but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium,  $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but  the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any  decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained  their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.  The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen". 

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