WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the
Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover
of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in
her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No,"
she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this
was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling
hot wax pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid
of a spider.
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife
Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the
things that are important to each other." He addressed the man, "Can you
describe your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently
and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it? The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so
I'll stop right here.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl
notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of
tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he
deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says,
confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for
some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent
my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if
I have to roll my own ............ so does she. ( I figure this guy is the one on the milk
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An
earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their
position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied,
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to
repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked,
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so
beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God
made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be
attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee
each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we
don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in
charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can
just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it
is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't
believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and
showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"
One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What the ? ?
?" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them
out. "April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder
in my underwear?" She shot back: "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle