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The Real Man Test
This is a test for men only and all "real
men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However, women will also
benefit by reviewing them, so that they get to understand men and thereby enrich their own
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first
human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a
small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing
an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently,
eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire earth. You decide to:
A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?
C. Cherry bombs.
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded
B. When he is the Pope (but not on the lips)!
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike
way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.
4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.
5 You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and
you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking
it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out
of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no
longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going She says
she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have
some kind of future together. What do you say?
A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that
you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her
by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and seventeen.
6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of
your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come
what may. How do you tell her?
A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to
you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?
7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three
children ready for school. Your first question to her is:
A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "We have three of them?"
8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that
you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage
regularly in case somebody, and we are not naming names, (but this would be his wife) is
quietly trying to discard his underwear.
9. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
C. Remote control.
10. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led
the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised
A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.
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