I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a Woman in the
convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the
shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing
a seat belt!
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his
toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood
there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.. He
held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too
then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from his mother. The
note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the
phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the
minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't
come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he
was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for
cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't
you ever seen a little boy before?"
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to
take my 4- year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds The various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I
found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy
will never believe this!"
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his
tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning
of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his
playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had
secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of
the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: Glory be
unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn .. and into the hole he gooooes."
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my
time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old
pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at
it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama,
look what I found", the boy called out. What have you got there, dear?" With
astonishment in the young boy's voice,
he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"