A guy is browsing in a pet shop and
sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet
or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened
to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually
understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to
be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how
do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing
but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like
a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and
speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can
converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics,
religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at
ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great
The guy looks at the $20000 price tag. "Sorry, but I just
can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so
the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can
probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of
humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands
everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst,"
and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should
tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted
him at the door in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her
nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie! , got down on
his knees and began to kiss her all over...."
Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my