1. "I'M GOING
Translated: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and sit in a boat with a stick
in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
2. "IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance
at all of making it logical".
3. "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
4. "UH HUH, SURE HONEY," or, "YES, DEAR."
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
5. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest."
6. "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST .. . . I HAVE LOTS OF THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "Is that woman over there wearing a bra?"
7. "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
8. "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
9. "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to "F-Troop," the address of the
first girl I ever kissed, the license plate numbers of every car I've had, I just forgot
10. "I DUNNO . . .. I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND I GOT YOU THESE
ROSES. . .."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
11. "OH, DON'T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I've severed a limb, but I'll bleed to death before I admit that I'm
12. "I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Translated: ". . . and I sure hope I think of some soon."
13. "I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my out-stretched hands, so I'm completely
14. "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
15. "I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I have no idea what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can
fake it well enough so that you don't find it out."
16. "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and I realize it could be
17. "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." '
Translated: "Oh God, please don't try on MORE clothes."
18. "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."