From the Washington Post
Style Invitational, in which it was postulated that English has male and female nouns.
Readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of their choice and explain their reasons.
The best submissions:
Detective Novel -- female (f)., because you're not supposed to peek at its end the minute
you pick it up.
Swiss Army Knife -- male (m)., because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of
work, it spends most of it's time just opening bottles.
Kidneys -- f., because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
Penlight -- m., because it can be turned on very easily, but isn't very bright.
Hammer -- m., because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years but it's handy to
have around and is good for killing spiders.
Tire -- m., because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.
Hot air balloon -- m., because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it.
And, of course, there's the hot air part.
Web page -- f., because it is always getting hit on.
Web page -- m., because you have to wait for it to reload.
Shoe -- m., because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
Copier -- f., because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an
effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak
havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
Magic 8 Ball -- m., because it gives monosyllabic answers that usually indicate it did not
pay attention to your question.
Ziploc bags -- m., because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through
Sponges -- f., because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
Critic -- f. What, this needs to be explained?
Subway -- m., because it uses the same old lines to pick up people.
Hourglass -- f., because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.