"Men are like a fine wine. They
all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and
keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like
to have dinner with."
Kathleen Mifsud
"The best way to get most husbands to do something is to
suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it."
Ann Bancroft
Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal
partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of
bridge.
Bill Cosby
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for
marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
Rita Rudner
"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut
after."
Benjamin Franklin
"My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way."
Henny Youngman
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we
met."
Rodney Dangerfield
"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's
wrong."
Milton Berle
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a
jury."
George Burns
"When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of
thinking."
Elaine Boosler
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
Phyllis Diller
"My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just
napping."
Rita Rudner
"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."
Henny Youngman
At a party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing
your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied,
"Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."
Anonymous
"Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a big gut, and still think they
are beautiful."
Anonymous
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