1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY
PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T FIRED President John Walter after nine months, saying he
lacked intellectual leadership." He received a $26 million
severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue
a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing
ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was
standing beside them in the police line, shouting "Please
come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist
and forced him to drive to two different automated teller
machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from
his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all
the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small,
so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for
three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who
just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives
asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me
all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's
not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant
and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is
this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!", the
man shouted, "This is her husband!".
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for
trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King
used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he
failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an
hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating,
were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they
couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. Bayliner to perform. It
wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost
every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about
an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina,
thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough
topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition.
The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was
the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in
the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was
laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER THIS IS TRUE....Under the boat, still strapped
securely in place, was the trailer.