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5th RUNNER-UP: Goes to a
San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift tower at the
Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad.
22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth
Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County
Sheriff's department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had
hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam
protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth
Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who
might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down
the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been
investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with its
pad removed.
4th RUNNER-UP: Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call
the police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and
walked out without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of
the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat
where it had choked him to death.
3rd RUNNER-UP: Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a
stag standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed
instantly when it fell on him.
2nd RUNNER-UP: "Man loses face at party." A man at a West
Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in
Arkansas who used a .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup
truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering
an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry
Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the
party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man
had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode
it. It wouldn't go off and this guy said, "I'll show you how to
set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all
his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was
listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial
injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical
Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like
that," Payne said.
1st RUNNER-UP: Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an
Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be
alive and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25,
lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's
rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid
Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to
shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right
eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left,
a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died
instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw, at the University
Hospital in Portland, said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of
brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow
managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had
Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own, he surely would have
killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends
had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb
about this." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine
County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under
investigation.
Now, THIS YEAR'S WINNER: (The late) John Pernicky and his friend,
(the late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to
attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington
amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between
them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the
nine-foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup
truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was
100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the fence and then
assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky,
there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having
heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His
fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large
branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a
broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly
figuring the bushes would break his fall; he removed his pocket
knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the
tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The
sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the
protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To
make matters worse: upon landing, his pocket knife penetrated his
thigh. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony,
threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope
to the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken
haste, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence,
landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the
crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and
dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the
truck, they found John under it, half-naked, scratches on his body,
a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts
dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.
Congratulations, gentlemen. You win. And some more idiots have been
removed from the gene pool! |
