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Ode To Las Vegas


It was hotter than hell that last week of the 1998 summer season...
And I needed to get out of L.A. for a million different reasons.

I woke up that hot Friday morning with a bee in my bonnet,
And a wicked bank account with my virgin fingers itching to get on it.

I had made an out of the blue telephone call earlier that week,
To see a dear old cohort from school for stiff cocktails and dinner unique.

With that in mind I drove to Wells and withdrew ten thousand dollars,
And like a mad woman sashayed out of the bank with a whoop and a holler.

I raced in and out of the liquor store for two bottles of Dom,
Then was off to the florist for an exotic boquet blooming with charm.

I packed a small bag not knowing where we could end up by dawn,
I just figured one way or the other we'd be long gone, gone, gone.

I arrived at Mio's with a smile on my face and mischeif in my heart,
Wondering how to spring a wicked surprise on him right from the start.

We hugged hello and I asked him if he might be feeling dangerous...
"How dangerous" He inquired and I quipped "Let's hit Las Vegas!"

We stopped for a drink at Bird's on our way out of the city,
And toasted each other because we were decidedly oh, so witty.

Taking off into the steamy night without a backward glance-
To a noisy world of lights, drinking, debauchery, gambling, and dance.

We zipped out of town and headed north on the I-15,
The air was so hot our sweat disappeared into steam.

Soon up ahead yonder and a little past the Nevada state line,
We spied the dazzling, twinkling lights of Sin City and soon it was arrival time!

Caesar's Palace was sold out so Mio made a quick local phone call,
And then we were Luxor-bound for a week long jiggy-ass ball.

Assigned to us was Suite #313345 - it had two TV's, two spacious rooms,
A wet bar, a smashing view, and a cheesy clockradio for the tunes.

It was five in the morning when we staggered up to the suite
and the desert sun was already coming up,
But we ordered the hard stuff and chilled champagne flutes-
not a hearty breakfast menu, tea bags, or coffee cups.

POP! went the corks, and CHI-CHING! went the slots,
SLAM! went the register with every purchase we bought.

One night we played Roulette, the night after that we creamed the slots,
I learned risky money games and sure played them a lot!

We drove over to the Stratosphere because martini's were the order,
I think we tipped our girl a hundred bucks and then another quarter.

In search of yet a faster race we opted to get some blow,
And cruised the creepy dirty streets of Las Vegas' skid row.

We found a chap by the name of Wes who we escorted back to our pad
Because the Bouncing Powder he scored for us was sooo righteously rad.

We the Trio From Hell snorted all evening and well into the day,
We talked, we gambled, we drank, but didn't want Wes to stay.

The night after that we scoured the streets - again in search of the illustrious Wes,
But couldn't find him anywhere, and wound up bouncing nontheless.

Tony The Scumbag emerged from the shadows and appeared from out of the blue.
Leaned into the window and cooed "Hey, have I got some heavy kickin' rock for you...

...Take the pipe and hold it carefully - just like this,
Close your eyes, inhale the smoke, and you'll be transported to bliss."

High as a kite and drunk as a louse,
Mio drove Tony back to his house.

Originally I packed my camera to take snapshots galore,
and The Luxor has in-house developing and plenty of film for more.

We used our pricey spa passes and dined like gluttons at Hamada,
Played at the pool, wiped out the stores, and got blitzed in The Ra.

After a week we finally got bored with the Nevada heat and the Vegas flash,
So I withdrew another cool ten grand in cold, hard cash.

We got on the phone in search of a real wicked vacation,
but couldn't agree so we argued about the ultimate destination.

All of a sudden a light bulb went off and Mio sat up with a start,
Eyes glazed he announced we should go to Europe!  The U.S. we would part!

Deciding to go we started to pack,
Home to L.A., we had to get back.

We checked in with two bags and went home with eleven,
We had been in obvious foolish spending heaven.

Europe we decided on and we had just a week to prepare-
Paperwork, packing, shopping, a Bon Voyage bash, and no time to spare.

We paid the bill and crammed my car with surprises,
And vowed to arrive home before the sun rises.



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