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Santa is Upset


T'was the night before Christmas...
Old Santa was pissed
He cussed out the elves..
and threw down his list

Miserable little brats...
ungrateful little jerks
I have good mind..
to scrap the whole works

I've busted my ass...
for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa"..
what do I hear

The old lady bitches...
cause I work late at night
The elves want more money..
The reindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk...
and screwed all the maids
Donner is pregnant..
and Vixen has AIDS

And just when I thought...
that things would get better
Those arseholes from IRS..
sent me a letter

They say I owe taxes...
if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever..
sent Santa Clause money?

And the kids these days...
they all are the pits
They want the impossible..
Those mean little shits

I spent a whole year...
making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls..
Their arms, legs and heads

I made a ton of yo yo's...
No request for them
They want computers and robots..
they think I'm IBM!

If you think that's bad...
just picture this
Try holding those brats..
with their pants full of piss

They pull on my nose...
they grab at my beard
And if I don't smile..
their moms think I'm weird

Flying through the air...
dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys..
and skinning my knees

I'm quitting this job...
there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass..
and draw unemployment

There's no Christmas this year...
now you know the reason
I found me a blonde and..
I'm going SOUTH for the season!!

I'll laze in the sun...
into bed I'll get tucked
And those snotty nosed brats..
can all go get @#$%!! 



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