A man is out in the Chinese wilderness
and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides
what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One
afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and
the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of
the chimney implying someone is home.
He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down to the ground. The
old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?"
The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal
or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in
your house for tonight."
The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess
around with my grandaughter."
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't cause you any
trouble. I'll be on my way tommorrow morning."
The old Chinese man counters "Ok, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three
worst chinese torture tests ever known to man."
"Ok, Ok" the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to
himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life?
Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after showering), he saw how beautiful
the grandaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three
weeks, it had been many, many months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the
occasional monk besides her grandfather and well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off
each other throughout the meal.
That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and they had quite a time, but had kept
the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking to
himself, "Any three torture tests would be worth it after that experience."
Well, the next morning the man awoke to find a heavy weight on his chest. He opened his
eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying "First
Chinese torture test: 50 kg rock on your chest".
"What a lame torture test" the man thought to himself as he got up and walked
over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the backside of the
rock is another sign saying "Second worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied to RIGHT
The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window
after the rock. Outside the window is a third sign saying "Third worst Chinese
torture test: LEFT testicle tied to bedpost".