Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her
wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy
godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to
the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2
a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home
by 2 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up.
Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and **very** satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the fairygodmother. "Your diaphragm was
supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" "I met a prince, Fairy
Godmother. He took care of everything." "I know of no prince with that
kind of power! Tell me his name!" "I can't remember, exactly
..Peter, Peter, something or other
Pinocchio had a human
girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having
sex.Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested
he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A
couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncin happily through town and asked him,
"How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
Little Red Riding Hood was
walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a
tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw
your brains out!" To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic
basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No you're not!
You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse
were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is
crazy." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king
Snow White saw Pinocchio
walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then
sat on his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"