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Jokes About Engineers

Public Execution:

Scene: public executions by guillotine;

Three condemned people are to be executed via the guillotine...  First condemned person steps up, a minister. Switch is pulled. Blade doesn't  come down. Minister cries out: "God knows I am innocent!" He's pardonned.

Second condemned person is a revolutionary agitator. Switch is pulled. Blade  doesn't come down.  Guy cries out: "The revolution cannot be stopped!" He's pardonned.

Third condemned is an engineer. Same deal. He looks up, points up, says, "I   think your problem is that the cable is binding right here..."


The architect, the artist and the engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or the mistress.  The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with  his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said "I like both". "Both?" The engineer replied, "Yeah. If you  have a wife and a mistress, they will both assume you are spending time with the other woman. Then you can get into the lab and do  something really important."


"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." -- Rich Cook


Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, Where did you get such a great bike?" The  second engineer replied: "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode  up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."  The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."


The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"  The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"  The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"  The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Top Ten Reasons to Date an Engineer:

 Complimentary Tutoring
 Large Earning Potential
 Can handle stress and strain in relationships
 Know all the dynamics of relative motion
 Learn about the benefits of friction and viscosity
 FREE body diagrams
 Always back up their hard drives
 Trained to do it right the first time
 Specialized in experimentation
 Can go all night with no hint of fatigue

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