Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the
testimonials of a few people who did.
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around
and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
I was at the golf store comparing different
kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing
for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."
My sister and I were at the mall and passed
by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and
I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my
toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my
horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you
don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last
night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers
stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the
bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were
screams of laughter.
Have you ever asked your child a question
too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something
funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I
realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to
go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you
SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he
must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more
time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his
pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his
pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better by
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had! This had most of the state of Michigan
laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future,
likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a
true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches
you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew
did too they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to
someone you know who needs a laugh !!!