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Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.
But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.
Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that
the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?
Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
Of course I'm against sin; I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy.
Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends.
What must hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?
Middle age is having a choice of two temptations
and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care
Middle age is the age halfway between your present age and 100...
At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.
You're getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you don't know until the 4th
You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do
anything the night before.
The cardiologist's diet: "If it tastes good, spit it out."
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news;
the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
Last Will and Testament:
Being of sound mind, I spent all my money!
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