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Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

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Some people are like Slinkies . .  not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

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Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.

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According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

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Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

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All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

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Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

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In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

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Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.



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