Finally, a Set of rules
for you ladies:
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here
are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered
"1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work
the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it
down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet
1. Sometimes we are
not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Saturday sports.
It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Don't cut your
hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons
guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're
stuck with her.
1. Shopping is NOT
a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is
1. Ask for what you
want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't
remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently
1. Most guys own
three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair,
out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are
perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with
a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that
lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said
6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.
1. If you think
you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we
said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
1. Let us ogle. We
are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either
ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best
how to do it, just do it yourself.
possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. The relationship
is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And
quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. All men see in
only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a
colour. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it
will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind
readers and we never will be. Our lack mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we
care about you.
1. If we ask what
is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you
are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a
question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to
go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us
what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as the shotgun
formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough
1. You have too
1. No you really do
have too many shoes.
1. It is neither in
your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as
exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. Thank you for
reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we
really don't mind that, it's camping.