|Why do men like love at first sight? Because he knows it's all over as soon as she opens her mouth.|
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? How much his wife has begun to resemble Morly Safer.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional? Their target audience is women.
What should you give a man who has everything? A mute nymphomanic 18 year old girlfriend.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? Penis envy.
Why do women have mid-life crises? Because Phil and Oprah say they're supposed to.
How does a woman show she's planning for the future? Plastic Surgery.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? Sex, stupidity.
What do you do with a 40 year old woman who thinks she's God's gift? Trade her in for two 20 year olds.
Why do bachelors like smart women? Because they're so rare.
What's the difference between a wife and a job. After 5 years, the job still sucks.
Why is sleeping with a woman like a soap opera? Cause it's the same tired old plot, year in and year out.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? They're trying not to attract any more undue blame then they already have.
What is the thinnest book in the world? Biographies of Happy women.
What's the difference between men and government bonds? None, they're both the same, steadily increasing in value, predictable and vastly undervalued by people who don't understand them.