A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a
man of 35 think of? How much his wife has begun to resemble Morly Safer.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
Their target audience is women.
What should you give a man who has
everything? A mute nymphomanic 18 year old girlfriend.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males
after mating? Penis envy.
Why do women have mid-life crises? Because
Phil and Oprah say they're supposed to.
How does a woman show she's planning for
the future? Plastic Surgery.
What makes men chase women they have no
intention of marrying? Sex, stupidity.
What do you do with a 40 year old woman who
thinks she's God's gift? Trade her in for two 20 year olds.
Why do bachelors like smart women? Because
they're so rare.
What's the difference between a wife and a
job. After 5 years, the job still sucks.
Why is sleeping with a woman like a soap
opera? Cause it's the same tired old plot, year in and year out.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye
contact? They're trying not to attract any more undue blame then they already have.
What is the thinnest book in the world?
Biographies of Happy women.
What's the difference between men and
government bonds? None, they're both the same, steadily increasing in value, predictable
and vastly undervalued by people who don't understand them.