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Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

I need someone real bad...Are you real bad?

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

All men are idiots...and I married their king.

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

Keep honking...I'm reloading.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling, like the passengers in his car.

MONTANA: At least the cows are sane.

God must love stupid people; He made so many.

I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

CONSCIOUSNESS: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Always remember you're unique just like everyone else.

No hand signals...Driver on Viagra

Honk! If you want to see my finger.



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