As we all know, when we hit retirement
age we come face to face with the fact that it may be time to
relocate. The big question is: where? Here are some tips.
You can live in Phoenix, Arizona
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You can open and drive your car without touching the car door or
the steering wheel.
3. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water
in the toilet bowl.
4. You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your
5. You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
6. "Dress Code" is meaningless at high schools and
universities. Picture lingerie ads.
7. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
8. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
9. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU
10. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits
you in the face when you open your oven door.
You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell
3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how
long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it
You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from
Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4. You think Central Park is "nature,"
5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own
language makes you multi-lingual.
6. You've worn out a car horn.
7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You can Live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2."y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from ' round
here, are Ya?"
4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty
Jean, MARY BETH, etc.
You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he
stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never meet any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C"
on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say,
"It was different!"
AND You can live in Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.