You Are Here: home » one liners » some old, some new

Some Old, Some New

Grandma's Age:
Little johnny asked his grandma how old she was. Gandma answered, "39 and holding." Johnny thought for a moment, and then said, "and how old would you be if you let go?" 

First Time Ushers:
A little boy in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed around the offering plates. When they came near his pew, the boy said loudly, "don't pay for me daddy. I'm under five." 

The sunday school teacher asked, "now, johnny, tell me, do you say prayers before eating?" "No sir," he replied, "we don't have to. My mom is a good cook!" 

Climb The Walls:
"Oh, i sure am happy to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother on his mother's side. "now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us." the grandmother was curious. "what trick is that?" she asked. "I heard him tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit" the little boy answered. 

The Mood Ring:
My husband bought me a mood ring the other day. When i'm in a good mood it turns green. When i'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead. 

The Water Pistol:
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to mom and said, "i'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember."  

Half Price:
Us air recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips.  Expecting valuable testimonials, the P.R. department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.   Letters are still pouring in asking, "what trip?" 

Life After Death:
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, sir," the new employee replied. "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "after you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!

Comment or Share Your Own One Liner

    | privacy