A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a
slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
Two cannibals are eating a
clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop
singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' " "That sounds like Tom Jones
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
Two cows are standing next to
each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this
"I don't believe
you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a
bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive...!"
A man takes his Rottweiler to
the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet. "Let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog
up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have
to put him down."
"What! Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
I went to buy some camouflage
trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak
were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank.
Proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
What do you call a fish with
A f sh.
Two fish swim into a concrete
wall. One turns to the other and says, "dam".
Two fish are in a tank. One
says to the other, "I'll man the guns, you drive."
Deja Moo: The feeling
that you've heard this bull before.