1. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were
avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus
we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
2. A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm
shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to
be a little patient."
3. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live
forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran
out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on
the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested
and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
4. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the
assistance of a tribal shaman who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a
sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the
shaman looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who
5. Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other
products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market
compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were
of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or
Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the _expression, "He
who has a Tates is lost!"
6. A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A
spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
7. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief
examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk hide and gave it to the
chief, instructing him to bite off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day.
After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief
shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
8. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from
the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who
apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
9. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin and
the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each
had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to
prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the squaws of the other two hides.
10. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They
called it "the herd shot 'round the world."
11. A Murder in Everett, WA (hot off the press): An unidentified man was found dead in a
motel room this morning. His body was found face down in a bath tub filled with milk and
corn flakes. He also had a very large banana shoved up his butt. Authorities suspect that
this might be the work of a cereal killer.