New Computer Viruses

The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to just keep counting and re-counting.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a 7-inch Hard Drive with NO memory.

The Bob Dole (aka Viagra) Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.

The Ronald Reagan Virus - Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes.

The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 300 Mb hard drive shrinks to 100 Mb, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 200 Mb.

The Jack Kevorkian Virus - Deletes all old files.

The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted.

The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

The Joey Buttafuoco Virus - Only attacks minor files.

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.

AND MY FAVORITE ......

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy . . . then discards it through Windows.

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