|Subject: Boss's Rules|
To: All Employees
Effective immediately the following rules will be adhered too.
1. If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work
2. A pat on the back is only a few
centimeters from a kick in the butt.
3. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be
replaced, you can't be promoted.
4. It doesn't matter what you do, it only
matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
5. After any salary raise, you will have
less money at the end of the month than you did before.
6. The more crap you put up with, the more
crap you are going to get.
7. You can go anywhere you want if you look
serious and carry a clipboard.
8. Eat one live toad the first thing in the
morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
9. When the bosses talk about improving
productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
10. If at first you don't succeed, try
again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it!
11. There will always be beer cans rolling
on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
12. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's
13. Everything can be filed under
14. Never delay the ending of a meeting or
the beginning of a cocktail hour.
15. To err is human, to forgive is not our
16. Anyone can do any amount of work
provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
17. Important letters that contain no
errors will develop errors in the mail.
18. If you are good, you will be assigned
all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
19. You are always doing something marginal
when the boss drops by your desk.
20. People who go to conferences are the
ones who shouldn't.
21. If it wasn't for the last minute,
nothing would get done.
22. At work, the authority of a person is
inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
23. When you don't know what to do, walk
fast and look worried.
24. Following the rules will not get the
job done and getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
25. When confronted by a difficult problem
you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone
Ranger handle this?"
26. No matter how much you do, you never do
27. The last person that quit or was fired
will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
Signed: The Management