| To All Employees, It has been brought to the attention of this office
that many employees have been dying while on duty for apparently no good reason. Further,
some employees are refusing to fall over after they are dead. This, in some cases, has
resulted in unearned overtime payments which do not fit into our company program.
Ettective immediately-----This practice
must be discontinued!
On and after today, any employee found
sitting up after he has died will be dropped from the payroll at once, without
investigation under Regulation No. 20, Section D (non-productive labor).
When it can be proven that the employee is
being held by a desk, typewrite", drawing board, telephone or any other means of
support which is the property of the company, a 90-day period of grace will be granted.
The following procedure will be strictly
adhered to:
If, after several hours, it is noted that
any employee has not moved or opened at least one eye, the department will investigate.
Because of the highly sensitive nature and origin of some employees and the close
resemblance between death and their normal working attitude, the investigation will be
made quietly to avoid waking the employee if he or she, is asleep (which is permitted
under the present regime and union contract). If some doubt exists as to the true
condition of the employee, a pay check will be used as the final test. If the employee
fails to reach for the check, it is reasonable to assume that death has occurred.
NOTE: In some cases, the instinct is so
strongly developed that a spasmodic clutching action may occur. Do not be misled by this
manifestation.
In the event that any employee fails to
abandon whatever he is doing when it comes time for coffee break, no investigation is
necessary, as this is conclusive proof that rigor mortis has set in.
Signed
The Management | 
