| Dear Mr. Jones, We wish to thank you for your letter and Polaroid pictures that
we recently received. We regret, however, that we will not be able to use you as
"Playgirl's Man of the Month Centerfold".
When rated by our panel of
AAW (Average American Women) on a scale from 1 to 10, your body was rated minus 2. The AAW
has determined by our scientific investigation is an unmarried or widowed female age 60 to
75 that has not been involved with sex five years or longer.
To further justify our
rating, we submitted your photographs to a panel of women in the age bracket 25 to 35, but
we couldn't get them to stop laughing long enough to rate you.
Please be assured that
should the taste of American women ever change so drastically that bodies of your stature
are in demand for our centerfold, you will be notified. Meanwhile, don't call us, we'll
call you.
Sincerely,
Editor Playgirl Magazine
P. S. Our staff and I wish to take this
opportunity to express our deepest heartfelt sympathy to your female companions. | 
