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Divorce is Final
|Dear Husband: |
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good
woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have
been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the
last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails
done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate
in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you
love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love
me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have
been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I
watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to
mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if
you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep
on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed
that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that
morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that
we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million
dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were
gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always
wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope
that's not a problem.
Rich As Hell and Free!
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