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Best Resignation Letter Ever Written
|Following is a supposed letter of resignation from an employee at
a computer company, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards! It's Funny,
but a bit harsh.......|
Dear Mr. Smith,
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations.
Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the
common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and
me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each
time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of
precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you
were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you
vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives
you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going
to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as
telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a
sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that
you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent
will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the
blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof
of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a
full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a
bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to
comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep
you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you
have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your
"favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back
up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not
usually viewed favorably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's
birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself
in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are.
Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you
that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing
letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am
tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions
will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they
know what you do with all that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day,
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