|This is a true story
from the Word Perfect Helpline which was transcribed from a
recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say
the HelpDesk employee was fired; however, he is currently sueing
the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without
Cause." Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer
Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations!)
"Ridge Hall computer
assistance; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having
trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words
went away." "Went away?"
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank; it
won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect,
or did you get out?" "How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's
"Never mind, can you move your
cursor around the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I
told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a
power indicator?" "What's a monitor? "It's the
thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a
little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't
"Well, then look on the back
of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you
see that?" "Yes, I think so." "Great. Follow
the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the
wall." "Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the
monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into
the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well,
I need you to look back there again
and find the other cable." "Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
the back of your computer." "I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No."
"Even if you maybe put your
knee on something and lean way over?" "Oh, it's not
because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's
dark." "Dark?" "Yes -the office light is off,
and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office
light then." "I can't." "No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power failure." "A power... A
power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and
manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" "Well,
yes, I keep them in the closet." "Good. Go get them, and
unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got
it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is." "Well, all right then, I
suppose. What do I tell them?" "Tell them you're too
fucking stupid to own a computer."