On a Sear's hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping." (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside." (The shoplifter special)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating." (As
night follows day . . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't
this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those
5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As
opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta
admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (
Step 3: Fly Delta.)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to
fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My God! Are
Swedes that much tougher than we are?)
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