Due to increasing products liability litigation, American Beer
Brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed
immediately on all beer containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your
bra.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are
not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again
that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really
dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with
members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers,
resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see
something really scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the
forehead/knees.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter,
faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum,
whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
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