|It's June, and Santa's
finally getting around to answering his e-mail from last Christmas...|
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How
'bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older
brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the
world for everybody!
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get
back together. Please see what you can do.
What -- and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the babysitter? He's
banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos
I want a new bike, a PlayStation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a
pony, and a tuba.
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer
outside the backdoor.
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a
kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.