1. Your ass is never
a factor in an interview.
2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. The garage is all yours.
5. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
6. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
7. Chocolate is just another snack.
8. You can be president.
9. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
10. Foreplay is optional.
11. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
12. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
13. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
14. The world is your urinal.
15. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
16. You never have to drive to another gas station because this
one's just too icky.
17. You don't have to schedule sex, vacations, wearing that new
outfit, etc., around your reproductive system.
18. Same work...more pay.
19. Wrinkles add character.
20. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch
21. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
22. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
23. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
24. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
25. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
26. Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
27. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with
28. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice
29. Going shirtless in public is perfectly acceptable.
30. No pantyhose.
31. One mood, all the time.
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