The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol
I live in my own little world, but it's ok they know me here.
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid
"I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really
Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
"I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner."
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's
To be happy with a man, you must understand
him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at