Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
2. He who
laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. A day
without sunshine is like, well, night.
4. On the
other hand, you have different fingers.
is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Back up
my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
7. I just
got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
9. Seen it
all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
11. I feel
like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.
always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
if you love peace and quiet.
my driving. I'm reloading.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
20. It is
hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost
remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90%
probability you'll get it wrong.
23. It is
said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be
stupid enough to try and pass them.
can't have everything, where would you put it?
survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
26. If the
shoe fits, get another one just like it.
things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
28. Give a
man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat
all day drinking beer.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
A device for finding furniture.
long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
32. A fine
is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
33. It was
recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart
enough to get out of jury duty.
travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them